Archive 1 - Open Letter to Diana Denza and "Endangered Bodies"

Dear Diana,

I wanted to say a big personal “thank you” to you and your “Endangered Bodies” group for your erudite defence of the campaign to remove the “feeling fat” icon from Facebook status pages.

You see, at first I was mistaken. I thought it was a rather small-minded, petty act of censorship, based on personal insecurity and fear. But after reading your blog, I see how wrong I was.  Part of your opening paragraph was the most revealing:

“…..this morning, I was greeted by a flurry of hate speech, slurs, and vicious threats from men. Men of different ages. Men of different sizes. Single men. Men with young daughters”

And there it is in all its transparent splendor: the reason that anyone disagrees with you or your group is down to two simple things: hate and penises. Logic is not a factor. Scientific studies of self-esteem and small icons on Facebook are surplus. No discussion of freedom comes into the equation. If anyone sends you any message you dislike it’s because they’re hateful. Hateful men. And yes, I hold my hands up in guilt: I have a penis. I am therefore wrong and hateful towards you by default.

I read how you courageously “hid” Internet messages from “empowered women” (not empowered enough to brave the horror of disagreeable Internet messages by themselves?) I gasped as you revealed the reasons for”challenging the status quo” (is that a Facebook status option?). You are a “strong woman” with a “strong voice”.  So was Margaret Thatcher, the greatest British Prime Minister of my lifetime. So is my mother, who occasionally still teaches me right and wrong, even at my age. So is my wife, whom I will proudly tell to anyone who cares that she earns more than I do. In fact, I thought that those women in my life that I hold in such admiration and wonder would exclude me from being “scared” or “hateful” of truly strong women who campaign to remove a Facebook icon, but I guess I  was wrong. Forgive me, I’m a man.

I read on, past your impressive report of 16,000 people supporting the petition of your group (what is the female population of the world these days?) I read your clarification that “fat is a body type, not a feeling”. I was confused: so confused that I double-checked all the definitions of “feeling” in Merriam-Webster (“Appreciative or responsive awareness or recognition”)  and Oxford (“An attitude or opinion:”) dictionaries, both of which offered definitions that, to my hateful male mind, clearly allowed for fat to be covered.

I’m sorry to say Diana that this wasn’t the limit to my doubt. Moreover, I wondered: isn’t censoring and denying some feelings counter-productive to your ideals of high self-esteem? How can we define a “positive” without a negative? How can we feel good about ourselves unless we understand what it is to feel bad, too? If we take “bad” out of the equation, we only have “good” and “normal”. Then “normal” becomes “bad”. It’s human nature, surely we can’t hide from it?

But as this doubt permeated me, I remembered your golden rule, and it all became clear: those dictionary definitions probably came from men. And as for human nature? It must have been a masculine invention. I blame Adam.

You went on: “These attacks are not about disagreeing with a petition” you said, before you elucidated once again: “these attacks are personal”. Yet again, I wash awash with bemusement. How could these attacks possibly be personal? Did these people all know you? Did they make statements about your personality? Your choice of dress? Your favourite sports team? How could comments based purely upon a petition, without any other information even being available to criticise be personal? Shame on me. The answer by then should have been clear. I bet it’s clear to anyone reading this right now.

In closing, you reinforced the point that it was all “vile hate speech”, before drawing a parallel  with the gamergate  affair, by which you took the small number of moronic and truly nasty rape and death threats against another person in another scenario and clearly attempted to make those idiots analogous to anyone who criticized your group’s petition.

Finally, you made a mention that you use Facebook’s “hide” button very often now before declaring yet again that you are “strong” (I appreciate the reminder, it helps me not to forget or question the fact) before closing with the ominous promise: “we can’t stop now”.

On that Diana, as with everything else, I agreed. This was all about fear. thiswas all about 16,000 people out of the world’s population feeling fear of a body type they wish didn’t exist when they looked at a small, yellow, gender-neutral face on Facebook. Like you, I’m certain that this whole saga is about hate, fear, strong voices, body types, and men. Definitely men.

And most of all, I agree you can’t stop now. there are still people, sorry I mean there are still men out there, updating their Facebook status right now with icons that strike fear, repression and anti-women hatred into our hearts. Until every single one of those has been silenced and banished, you can’t stop.